No single definition can explain what cybersex is all about. However, cybersex can be defined as having indicative verbal sexual intercourse and other behaviors without engaging in any physical contact. These behaviors normally happen online, where parties engage using Skype, Webcam, Google-chat, or instant messages. Although many people believe that cheating should involve physical contact, others believe that cybersex may create an avenue to cheating. The big question is whether cybersex should be considered as cheating, particularly when the partners involved in this game are soul mates.
Cybersex is cheating because it creates negative impact to people who are in a serious relationship. According to Milstein, cybersex is cheating because it may engage partners into emotional infidelity (Hall, 2009). Emotional infidelity involves gaining attention of another individual who is not your partner. A survey, which was carried out in 1998, proved that people who admitted to engage in cybersex were either married, or having a committed relationship (Hall, 2009). Most marriages are in problems because of cybersex. When partners of individuals who engage in cybersex discover what is going on, they feel betrayed and abandoned. If what one individual is doing goes outside the limits of his/her relationship, then that practice is cheating.
On the contrary, cybersex may not qualify as cheating, if the participant of the act does not perceive it as cheating. According to Bedley, if both partners agree that cybersex is an expression of sexual cravings that does not amount to cheating, then cybersex is not cheating (Hall, 2009). Terming cybersex as cheating depends on the participant’s perception, as well as interpersonal dynamics of the real couples. Bedley has suggested that perceptions of one’s partner should not prevail over the person engaging in cybersex. Cybersex participants believe that since there are no physical contacts, nothing serious can happen between them. If couples could permit each other to engage in cybersex, then cybersex cannot be a form of infidelity. The participants of cybersex perceive cybersex as a form of masturbation, rather than infidelity. They participate in cybersex to enrich their sexual lives, rather than destroying their relationships.
My personal view is that cybersex should be termed as cheating because most of the partners who engage in it do not let their real partners know that they engage in cybersex. Cybersex may seem like not cheating to many people, but it has the capacity to damage relationships, just like other forms of extramarital issues (Seiden and Bilett, n.d). The sensitivity of the partner not involved in cybersex should not be ignored, as he/she is the one who feels the effects. When it comes to infidelity, Internet becomes detrimental in relationships due to its opportunity, speed, and intensity (Heinz, 2013). Online activities create opportunities for connection at any time while online conversations take place within seconds. The way people disclose to each other through online activities encourages intense emotional connections that can lead to sexual intimacy.
In conclusion, it is essential to understand the implications of cybersex in relationships, as different couples hold varied perceptions on the act. Some partners who engage in cybersex claim that they perceive the act as masturbation and not as cheating. They assert that their partners should understand their views and intentions. However, according to Cooper (2000), cybersex participants end up lying and concealing their activities, and lies are usually the most painful part in any relationship. Since participants of cybersex do not let their partners know their intentions, their actions can be termed as cheating.
References
Cooper, A. (2000). Cybersex: The dark side of the force: a special issue of the journal Sexual addiction & compulsivity. Philadelphia, PA: Brunner-Routledge.
Hall, D. M. (2009). Taking sides. New York: McGraw-Hill.
Heinz, A. (2013). The In-Factor Model: How the Internet can lead to Infidelity. Bloomington, IN: BalboaPress.
Seiden, O., & Bilett, J. (n.d). I Got Caught Cheating-How Can I Save My Marriage?. Crystal Night Books.
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